With Our Hearts in Our Hands

Well on yet another sleepless night, I pose a question - why is it there are those of us who are attracted to all of the wrong people?

Although, maybe 'wrong' is not the correct word. Perhaps 'unavailable' is better; more politically correct. Unavailable in one form or another. Unavailable physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally - it could be just one from that list or all of the above. Whatever the case, it seems we have this powerful magnetism to all the people who are just not right for us.

It doesn't seem to matter how many times we get hurt or allow ourselves to get hurt, we just keep going back for more. Maybe we feel that our love is strong enough to help or change the person. Maybe we think that if we could just say or do something, the loved one will eventually have a revelation and then finally love us in return. After all, that's all we really want - their love.

This pattern could be all we know, having grown up in some sort of abusive environment. Perhaps one parent was always striving for the other's attention and love, but only to be met with unfaithfulness, harsh words, and at times, physical and emotional abuse.

So now all that is left, is a recollection of the so-called "love" that was shown, and a warped image of what we think love should be that has been glossed over by TV shows, movies, and music. Yes, maybe these are some of things that have molded our way of thinking and taught us to believe that we really do need someone who could never care for us as much as we love and care for them.

And so there we stand with our hearts in our hands offering them everything we have, but somehow it's just not enough. And here is the clincher, it's not enough, but they still want it and still take it. And we like the fools we are, keep giving and trying, thinking one day, just maybe one day it will change.

But the reality is - we are only hurting ourselves. There is an old saying, 'You get what you take'. And it's true. The only ones that can stop this way of thinking and behavior is ourselves. So I guess the next question would be, 'Are we strong enough?'

Time

Location: Universal

They say time can heal many things. I'm not so sure about that adage. It seems that time and space only make the shaft of pain and emptiness grow larger and deeper.

One can try to fill the cavern with other good and clean elements; and sometimes it helps. I find myself discovering other pieces of my soul that maybe I didn't know existed; also exploring new and interesting crevices of this vast city; and finding different things to occupy my time. But therein that word, 'things', lays the problem. Never can any amount of things replace people that have touched your life so very sweetly.

They say to be strong. They say to find others to spend time with. Maybe for some these are easy things to do or say, but for as me, I've learned they are two of the hardest feats I will ever have to accomplish.

You can travel the world over discovering different concepts, ideas, interests, people. And whilst these are amazing, I suppose I am torn with the thought of leaving certain ones behind and trying to forget.

Or perhaps I am wrong. Maybe we just have to appreciate our experiences with loved ones for what they were - a short, but beautiful piece of precious time, leaving us an enchanting memory to treasure forever.